


back to the beginning

by breakmystrings



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakmystrings/pseuds/breakmystrings
Summary: Auston leaves before he says anything else he doesn’t mean and he doesn’t bother to look back to see if Mitch tries to stop him.





	back to the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this after game 2 and was supposed to be a lot angstier and a bigger mess than it turned out. I'm clearly getting weak haha. Writing has been hard lately so really tried to finish something and hopefully will inspire me to do some more before I get busy again :)

The mood in the car is tense when they leave the arena. Mitch isn’t saying anything, and Auston sure as hell doesn’t want to. Neither of them even bother with the music. Auston twitches when he sees Mitch take the turn to his place but telling Mitch he wants to go back to his own would require him to talk and he can’t be bothered to right now. He keeps his mouth shut and follows Mitch up to his place in silence.

 

“Want some water?” Mitch asks, but he’s already grabbed two bottles and tosses one over to Auston where he’s seated at the island. He twists the cap off and chugs half of it in one go, wanting to avoid whatever conversation Mitch wants to have for as long as possible. “Are you hungry?” Mitch starts rummaging in the drawer where he keeps all the takeout menus. “Think there’s that twenty-four-hour place that’ll still deliver.” More rustling. “I could use some grease right now, like shit, playoffs are exhausting.”

 

Auston tunes out Mitch’s babbling, but it becomes this buzzing in Auston’s ear that he can’t shut out, no matter how hard he tries and he slams his half-empty bottle onto the counter.

 

“You can just spit out what you actually want to say,” Auston snaps and finally, _finally_ , Mitch stops whatever the fuck he was doing.

 

“Don’t let them get to you,” Mitch says, his voice unbearably gentle and kind and Auston, he doesn’t want to fucking hear it. “Just ignore them.”

 

Auston snorts. “Easy for you to say.” Mitch isn’t the one they’re trashing every opportunity they get. Mitch isn’t the one getting talked about like he’s been exposed and overrated and couldn’t lead the team out of a wet paper bag. Mitch is actually playing well, leading the team the way the media expected him to, and Auston is happy for him, he really is, but he’s also _so_ fucking done with the media and their bullshit.

 

Mitch flinches, and the kind look twists into something uglier, his eyes hardening and his face flushing as he locks his jaw. He looks upset. The nasty part of Auston thinks, _good_ , thinks fucking _finally_.

 

“Right, because they totally weren’t writing about trading my ass when I couldn’t score, when I got bounced around the lineup and sent to the fourth line and benched on the regular by Babs… I totally don’t get what you’re feeling,” Mitch spits out.

 

Auston doesn’t respond.

 

“And if you weren’t such a fucking idiot, you’d know the last thing you’d want to do is say shit like that to the media,” Mitch continues, like he doesn’t care whether or not Auston is a part of this conversation. “You’d make your life a hell of a lot easier if you didn’t give them shit to write about.”

 

“So what, I’m supposed to just take it when they’re being fucking assholes and asking me what a disappointment and failure I am?” Auston snaps back.

 

“They’re just doing their jobs!” Mitch throws up his hands, like Auston’s the one not getting it, like _Auston’s_ the problem here. 

 

“I’m sorry I can’t be so fucking ‘good’ all the time, like you,” Auston spits out and it’s not fair but Auston is too fucking exhausted from this to care.

 

“I’m not doing it to be ‘good’, I’m doing it because it makes our lives a hell of a lot easier if you didn’t fall for their tricks. That’s just how the media is here. You can’t just say whatever you want like you’re back in fucking Phoenix and make the rest of our lives fucking hard!”

 

Auston pushes away from the island and shoots up to his feet. “Well maybe I don’t _want_ to fucking be here anymore, if that’s the shit I have to deal with!”

 

Mitch flinches again, like he’s been slapped this time, his eyes wide and mouth dropped open, but he snaps it shut with an audible click and hardens his face. Auston leaves before he says anything else he doesn’t mean and he doesn’t bother to look back to see if Mitch tries to stop him.

 

*

 

Auston scores in game three, starts to feel better about his play and the team, but they drop the series in seven games anyway.

 

*

 

Auston talks to the media during clean out, does his best to _avoid_ talking to Mitch as much as possible, and by the time he gets to the airport, he’s so ready to just _get away_ from Toronto. He feels fucking _drained_. His body aches in all the places that never fully healed, he’s exhausted from all the questions and speculation about Auston being a spoiled brat that’s at odds with his own coach, he’s frustrated with Babs for not trusting him, and he’s pissed at himself for not delivering the way he should’ve to deserve the trust to the begin with.

 

All in all, the season couldn’t have ended any worse. He needs time to reset, to get his head back on straight. 

 

Auston looks down at his phone, stares at his last few messages to Mitch, at his goofy smile in his profile picture, and types out a message.

 

_Need to get away from hockey and Toronto. Let’s take a break for the summer._

 

Auston turns airplane mode on, puts his earbuds in, and tries to ignore the twist in his gut as he waits for the plane to finally take off.

 

*

 

Mitch’s response is waiting for Auston when he lands.

 

_k_

 

*

 

Auston spends the summer sorting shit out with Babs, letting his body rest and heal, and getting back to game shape as quickly as possible. It’s easy to re-center himself when he’s away from the hustle and bustle of Toronto, when he’s close to his family and they still treat him like the dumb son and brother that he is. He doesn’t have to worry about the attention, doesn’t have to think about what the media is saying about him, and he doesn’t have to think about the expectations people have for him and how he didn’t meet them all.

 

He barely talks to Mitch at all. Mitch doesn’t really contact him either. The only stuff he hears about Mitch is through Instagram, and it’s mostly the promo stuff that the guys chirp him endlessly about. Mitch does send out congratulations when Willy re-signs with the team. He doesn’t post on Snapchat, or if he does, it’s never for Auston to see. He barely contributes to the group chat, even when the guys chip them for being too wrapped up in one another to respond to their messages. Auston tries not to be disappointed about that.

 

Auston works out, hangs out with his friends and family, and aches for Toronto in a way that he didn’t in his first summer away. He’s _excited_ to be back this time, to be immersed in the fanatic energy the city has for their team, to shoulder the expectations again and actually _exceed_ them, and he wants to be the best player that he can be, _in_ Toronto. He’s practically vibrating out of his skin when he lands, can’t stop the smile when a young fan rushes up to him when he’s trying to leave and asks politely if he can have an autograph.

 

“Sorry, I couldn’t stop her if I tried,” the mom says when she catches up. She looks embarrassed, but she’s smiling and looking hopeful.

 

“Not a problem,” Auston says, and he crouches down to sign one of the finished pages in her colouring book. “What’s your name?”

 

“Kiana! I’m six this year and for my birthday, my daddy bought me your jersey because I was good,” she says, practically tripping over her words as she bounces on her feet with boundless energy. Auston laughs a little and gives her back the book.

 

“Wow, thanks for the support,” he says.

 

“You’re welcome!” She beams at him, and Auston can see that she’s missing one front tooth. He’s not sure if it’s because it’s been a while, or if it’s because this is the kind of unwavering support he forgets about sometimes, when he gets too caught up with the bad and forgets how much more good there is out there, but he missed this while he was home. He didn’t think he would, but it’s hard not to, in the face of this young fan that’s looking up at Auston like he just completely made her day when he did something so simple for her.

 

“Would you like a picture?” Auston asks, and her eyes go so big and round, mouth dropping open in surprise and then she’s nodding her head so hard that her braid flops everywhere.

 

“Yes please!” They take a picture together and they both thank him repeatedly and she waves goodbye with the full force of her body. Auston can’t stop smiling when he hops into a cab to head home. He’s got a good feeling about this year.

 

*

 

The apartment is quiet when Auston walks in. The curtains are closed, even though Mitch always forgets to shut them when he leaves. The pillows are exactly where the cleaners always place them, even though Mitch always tosses them aside because they “get in the way” of Fortnite and making out and nap time. The coffee table is spotless and the sink is clear of dishes, even though Mitch always leaves shit everywhere and forgets to clean up after himself. Everything is exactly where it should be, which means Mitch hasn’t come by since the cleaners did a few days ago, or at all.

 

It’s… Auston’s not sure why he’s surprised or disappointed. He was the one that said they needed a break, and it’s not like Mitch doesn’t have a place of his own, his family close by that he likes to be near, friends to visit, and vacations to go on. Mitch has other shit going on in Toronto. But, it’s just that, _sometimes_ , Mitch likes to stay over when Auston’s gone because he says it helps when he misses Auston. So last summer and at Christmas, Mitch would come over and make a mess of Auston’s place like it was his own. Auston thought it was ridiculous, but it was also kind of, well, it was _nice_ , to know Mitch missed him that much.

 

Auston pulls out his phone to text him.

 

_I’m back_

 

Auston waits. And waits. And waits. But when Mitch still doesn’t respond, Auston texts him again.

 

_Let’s talk?_

 

It only takes a couple minutes for Mitch to respond this time, and it’s like déjà vu.

 

_k_

 

*

 

Mitch comes over later that afternoon. His shoulders are hunched, curled in on himself, but he looks so, _so_ good that Auston aches to reach out and touch him. He’s built back up his muscles again but he’s still as lean as ever, his shirt stretching nicely across his shoulders. Auston wants to kiss the pale freckles sprinkled across his nose from a summer of sun.

 

“You look really good,” Auston says with a smile, because Mitch really does, and his fingers twitch with the need to reach out and touch him.

 

“Thanks,” Mitch mumbles, the corners of his mouth barely lifting. “You too.”

 

Auston feels his smile falter. “You didn’t stay over,” he says, and he tries to make a joke to keep the mood light, “you must not have missed me that much.”

 

Mitch rubs his arm, and then slides his hand up so that it settles on the back of his neck. He looks awkward and out of place and Auston feels his joke attempt miss the target completely. “Well, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to. Since we’re ‘on a break’.”

 

Auston winces when he hears that, and he reaches out to put his hands on Mitch’s arms. He moves slowly so that he can stop him, but Mitch doesn’t step back. He doesn’t pull away, and Auston is so relieved, much more so than he thought he would be. He tugs gently on Mitch’s arms and then takes one step forward so that he can completely close the gap between them and hug him tight.

 

“Sorry,” Auston says quietly, tightening his arm around Mitch’s shoulders and cupping the back of his head with the other. It takes Mitch a second, but then his arms are wrapped tight around Auston’s waist, his hands fisting the back of his shirt. “Just needed to get out of my head for a while. Everything is fine now.”

 

Mitch doesn’t say anything for a long time, and Auston doesn’t either. It feels kind of silly to be clinging onto each other in Auston’s living room, but it feels good to have Mitch in his arms again, and he didn’t realize how much he missed him until now.

 

“Were you –“ Mitch’s voice cuts off and he tucks his face into Auston’s neck, inhales sharply, and his next few words are muffled, but Auston still hears him, “did you fuck other people?”

 

Auston tenses. “No, I didn’t.”

 

Mitch noticeable relaxes, the tension Auston didn’t even know was there goes away, and suddenly he’s got a much more pliable Mitch in his arms like the strings pulling him taut are finally cut loose. Auston pulls back, just enough so that he can see Mitch’s face, and it’s flushed and he’s not looking at Auston, eyes cast downwards.

 

“Did you think I was?” Auston asks, not sure if he should feel ashamed or hurt that Mitch thought that.

 

Mitch doesn’t respond.

 

“Mitch.”

 

Mitch still doesn’t respond.

 

“Come on Mitchy, look at me.” Auston presses his forehead against Mitch’s, and he nudges him gently with his nose. It normally gets a laugh out of Mitch, but there’s nothing this time.

 

“I don’t know,” Mitch says, and his voice is soft and he sounds exhausted. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

 

“That’s not why I wanted a break,” Auston tells Mitch, and he needs Mitch on the same page here. “I just needed to get away from hockey and Toronto, and I didn’t think I could if you were still around.”

 

Mitch finally looks up at him, and says, “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

 

Auston winces again, thinks about what he was trying to say, what he actually did, and he realizes there’s no good way to do it. “I’m sorry. I was being selfish.”

 

Mitch snorts. “Yeah, that’s a bit of an understatement.”

 

“Come on,” Auston says, “I’m trying here.”

 

Mitch pulls away completely and his face twists into something Auston’s not accustomed to seeing, the anger front and center and directed right at him. “Fuck you. ‘Trying’ would’ve been telling me face-to-face that I was too much for you and you needed a break, not through fucking text. ‘Trying’ would be you giving me more than just a dumb fucking message on Instagram for my birthday. ‘Trying’ would be you saying something more than ‘sorry about Marty’ when one of my closest friends got traded away from the team and then nothing else for the rest of the summer. ‘Trying’ would be you asking me what I fucking needed for once and maybe be there for me when I was fucking miserable thinking you’re fucking your way through Arizona!”

 

Mitch wipes at his eyes roughly, head titled down again. Auston feels like trash, like he spent the summer moving five steps ahead of Mitch while he’s still stuck at that place where they left a bunch of things unsaid.

 

“Mitch, I –“ Auston trails off because he doesn’t know what he can say to make Mitch feel better. He feels sick, his stomach going tight and uncomfortable, and he feels like he can’t even breathe. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out. His chest feels heavy, like a warm weight is sitting on him right now. He pulls Mitch in tight, because he doesn’t know what else to do, and even though Mitch feels tense, he doesn’t stop Auston. “I’ll be better this time, if you’ll let me.”

 

Auston shuts his eyes, holds his breath, and waits. And waits. And waits, but slowly, Mitch puts his arms back around him and there’s no other way to describe it, he just _melts_ into the hold, leaning his weight against Auston.

 

“Okay.”

 

~ * ~

 

The Marleaus invite them over for dinner just before they need to take off for training camp so Auston picks Mitch up at his place. They both agreed a little space would be good for the both of them, even though Auston aches for things to go back to the way they were before he fucked things up. At least Mitch is smiling now when he sees Auston, and he leans in to give Auston a kiss on the lips.

 

“Hi,” Mitch says, and his smile widens when Dua Lipa’s song comes on. It’s not Auston’s favourite music, but he knows Mitch likes it. He sings along loudly and dances while Auston drives, and his moves are as embarrassing as they are endearing, shoulders shimmying off-beat and hands coming up. When “Body” comes on, Mitch mimes scoring a goal and then cellying right after. It’s so exaggerated and ridiculous that Auston can’t help but laugh when he watches out of the corner of his eyes.

 

The drive feels much shorter than usual, and before he knows it, he’s already pulling up in front of Patty’s house. Auston puts his hand on Mitch’s knee and stops him from getting out. Mitch tilts his head to the side, a single brow raised curiously, and Auston leans in to kiss him, firm and lingering but chaste. When he pulls back, Mitch looks confused but happy, his eyes bright and smiling.

 

“Hi,” Auston says, because he didn’t get a chance to say that before, and Mitch laughs before leaning in and kissing Auston again.

 

“Come on, the kids are waiting,” Mitch says, but he’s the one that leans in for one more kiss before they step out of the car.

 

*

 

Team Auston loses at mini sticks. Badly. But it’s hard to get too upset about it, because Mitch tosses Caleb onto his shoulders and runs around the basement to do a victory lap, laughing and smiling happier than Auston’s seen in a long time.

 

“Next time, I want to be on Mitch’s team,” Jagger complains loudly. Mitch looks at him smugly, but Auston just shrugs. He’d want to be on Team Mitch too.

 

*

 

Niagara Falls is beautiful when they get there for training camp. It’s weird to see so many new faces, hard not to think about old faces that should be there but aren’t, but it’s a new season and a new start. Auston is itching to get going. 

 

They’re all starting the year with a fresh set of equipment, and Auston swipes Mitch’s gloves without him noticing. He takes his time to draw a smiley face on the palm, but the eyes and mouth comes out a bit wobbly. He figures he should still get some points for effort though. 

 

Willy leans over and says, “Whatcha doing?”

 

“Nothing,” Auston says, but Willy is nosy as hell and snorts when he sees Auston draw a matching smiley on the other glove.

 

“Seriously? Who said the honeymoon only lasts a year?” Willy asks no one when Auston goes to put Mitch’s gloves back on the shelf, but he’s grinning like a loon when he comes back and he bumps Auston’s shoulder. Auston shoves him back and they go back and forth for a while until Auston catches the exact moment when Mitch sees what he’s done because his eyes go wide, head up and searching for Auston, and his smile goes soft and warm when he does, the private one that Auston only sees at home. Auston smiles back and it’s not until Willy jostles him that he remembers to look away.

 

*

 

Auston spends his birthday at the falls with the team, and he can’t really complain too much about it. The boys buy him dinner and drinks and Mitch smiles at him all night. All in all, Auston can’t really ask for much more. When they’re done, Mitch tells him he’s got his present up in their room, but Auston has other plans for them. They grab their things from their room and take a cab to a different hotel, where he booked them a suite with a falls view. Mitch waggles his brows at him when he tells him so. He looks ridiculous, but Auston feels so fond that it takes all his willpower not to lean forward to kiss him.

 

Mitch audibly gasps when he sees their room, which makes every dime Auston had to pay absolutely worth it because there are tall windows with a full view of the falls, and a jacuzzi right by their king-sized bed, both of which Auston has some ideas for later.

 

“Oh my god Aus, look at the falls!” Mitch rushes up towards the window, practically plasters himself against it, and Auston chuckles softly as he walks up behind him and tugs him back against his chest.

 

“You like it?” Auston asks, even if the answer is obvious. “We can watch the light show and fireworks from here.” Mitch loves that shit.

 

Mitch tilts his head back to look up at Auston. “I thought it was _your_ birthday today. I feel like I got the best present.”

 

“I’m glad you like it,” Auston says and the angle is awkward, but he kisses Mitch softly on the lips. 

 

Mitch turns back to look at the view, and the quiet feels nice, comfortable. Auston really feels like they’re really going back to the way they were before. It feels natural now, less intentional, and Auston is so, _so_ relieved that Mitch gave them a second chance.

 

“You know, you don’t have to do all this,” Mitch says, but he doesn’t sound unhappy about it. “I’m not, like, pissed anymore.”

 

“I want to,” Auston says simply. “We’ll be too busy to do any of this stuff when we’re back in Toronto.”

 

“So I’m going to have to get used to Fortnite dates and take out again, huh?” Mitch says, but his voice is light and teasing, so Auston knows he isn’t upset about it. Auston squeezes him extra tight anyway. “It was my fault too. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff. Everyone expects a lot more out of you. It wasn’t fair. I should’ve been more considerate.”

 

“And I shouldn’t have been so selfish,” Auston says quietly. “Promise you’ll tell me if I fuck up again?”

 

“Promise you’ll tell me when I’m being annoying and overwhelming again?”

 

“I’ll promise if you promise,” Auston says, and Mitch sticks out his pinky and Auston laughs as he hooks them together.

 

“Promise.”


End file.
